A Messy Love, Transformation At the Fringe: When Healing Doesn't Happen

Dear one, can I be honest? Really, really honest? I have known I needed this installment in the series on healing, and it is the one I have dreaded most. It is the one I have had to postpone until God spoke to my heart and said “now, Jeanette, now is the moment”.

I didn’t fear writing it because I am afraid of pain. There are times where I am convinced that pain is my permanent zip code. Professionally, personally, in family units, pain is prolific. But I needed to make sure that God was speaking instead of me. Because I am imperfect and angry and jaded. Not always. But sometimes, and that means I should not raise my voice to talk about it. He should.

Today, dear one, I want to talk about the most painful part of healing...when it doesn’t happen. Because sometimes it doesn't. Children are abused. They die of cancer and other awful diseases. Amazing couples who want children can’t have them. People are sexually assaulted. Addiction swallows up families. Wars destroy people and decimate cultures. People who do truly evil things get away with it. People who are innocent get trapped in a broken system.

Prayer after prayer after prayer goes up. Candles are lit. And nothing changes. We reach out and hold vigil. We have community wide interfaith meetings. And nothing; nothing happens. People die. Children die. Disabilities grow more profound. People lose houses. And our ears are filled with even greater profanity...this is God’s will. That somehow all of this pain and destruction and death and loss and heartache is God’s will. 

Dear one, I wish I had a clear answer for you. There are countless passages talking about God hearing each prayer.  What do we make of this? How do we come to terms with the thought that God is just sitting around and not all of the prayers are making it through? How do we reconcile a loving and powerful God with unanswered prayers?

Dear one, all I can say is that I have to believe that there is an answer...one that I know will make sense on the other side. In the medical world, the first priority is to treat symptoms and then look for cause. You can’t find cause of disease on a dead patient...only cause of death. For example, my child has a life threatening peanut allergy. For this reason, when she presents with hives, readiness, shortness of breath, fuzzy tongue feeling (it’s a symptom, I promise), we give her epinephrine first and ask questions later. We just have to prioritize the order of activities.

Dear one, sometimes, I truly believe, God has a bit of a triage system going on. Not because we are not His top priority, or that he cannot handle it. He prioritizes because we can’t. When my daughter has her reaction, if I think of everything it could and could not be, I would be paralyzed. I couldn’t think. I couldn’t act. I could not give her the epinephrine I have given over and over again. I would be paralyzed by the totality of the possible doomsday scenarios. Dear one, I think our Heavenly Father is doing exactly that for us. He has gifted us the ability to only know as much as we can handle. I don’t think there is some greater plan to this person dying while that one lives, but I do believe the picture is bigger than we will ever understand, and God says “it’s ok, baby, I’ve got you. Rest in my arms, sweet child”, while we learn to come to peace with whatever may have happened, healed or not.

In Love,
JSB




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https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/1809-finding-god-in-the-ruins/day/2