Forgiveness And Fun House Mirrors

Growing up, one of my favorite memories was going to the fair.  It is pretty hard for a kid not to love the fair...rides, music, chaos, and all of the food (normally sugary) your parents would let you shove down your throat.  Each summer was filled with the excitement of seeing whether you were tall enough to ride "THE RIDE" (whatever was the newest, biggest, scariest ride at the fair), and betting who would get sick first.

Amongst all of the fun, there was always one part of the fair that felt like torture...the fun house.  There were parts that were ok, but the fun house mirrors terrified me.  Like, cold sweat, nauseated, close my eyes as I rushed by scared. If you had asked me all of those years ago why I hated them, I probably would have told you that seeing such a disorienting image of myself made me uncomfortable (well, okay, I probably wouldn't have used those words at age eight). 

The reality, however, was that the fun house mirror was a physical manifestation of what was already happening in my mind.  When I looked in the mirror, I could see that the person I was sure I was...weird, awkward, and just generally not right in any way. I was afraid that looking in those fun house mirrors would force me to fall apart, and let the whole world know that I was faking it all...the image they knew was not the real me.

So many of us are wandering around in self-imposed isolation.  People may be around us, but we hide...often in plain sight. We convince ourselves that there is something so awful about ourselves that we could never be loved.  Never deemed worthy.  That we have done something that is simply unforgivable. 

We go to church, week after week, pray endlessly, cry out to God begging for forgiveness.  God tells us over and over again that it is done.  The price has been paid.  The slate wiped clean. But we cannot let it go.  Instead of nailing our sins to the cross and walking away, we nail them there, turn to walk away, and come back and tell God "No, this one is too big for you".

Dear one, there is no sin too big, ugly, or awful to nail to (and leave on) the cross.  Jesus is always standing next to us, hand stretched out, ready to walk with us; but we can't take His hand if our hands are filled with the sins we refuse to allow ourselves to let go.

The reality is that God created us in His image.  He has already found us to be His beautiful children.  We see in Psalm 139:14 how very beautiful we are in His eyes!

¹⁴ I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.Wonderful are your works;
    my soul knows it very well.

It can be easy to convince ourselves that this all applies to the rest of the world, but we are different.  It just simply isn't true, and denying that God can handle and desperately wants to take our burden deepens the wound.  We become increasingly isolated.  The self-deprecation intensifies.  And we start to shut ourselves off from God's love entirely.

I know that for me, I isolated myself so far from God, became so filled with pain, that I had no clue where to begin.  Some amazing, strong and wise Christian friends pushed back.  The challenged my belief that I was unforgivable.  They helped me remember to nail my sins to the cross and walk away, hand in hand with my Heavenly Father.  They reminded me how loved by God I truly was.

Dear one, I pray you have those people in your also, but if you don't, know you have us here at Audacious Hope.  You are loved.  Whatever wrong you are holding onto, someone has done it before.  Whatever brokenness overwhelms you, Christ has already conquered.  All that is needed is for you to lay down your pain and take His hand.

In Love, JSB