When Silence is Deafening: Choosing Faith When Doubt Makes Sense

Welcome back, dear one! Can I let you in on a secret? I am a bit of a workaholic. I am not totally sure if it is in my personality to be a workaholic (and so I gravitated to those jobs), or I worked in demanding jobs (that turned me into a workaholic). I guess it was probably a little of both. Several years ago, when I was in a particularly demanding part of my career, I often got to the office around 5am (the earliest my keycard would let me into the building). The building was always pitch black (save the emergency lights) and the silence roared. I couldn’t take it. The silence felt awkward. Uncomfortable. Loud. Uncertain. So I listened to music as I worked. Admittedly, this posed a huge risk. I chose to drown out the silence (read: my discomfort) knowing I risked some unsuspecting person finding me and hurting me.

I faced a different kind of silence my sophomore year of college. I was taking Introduction to Christian Theology (a requirement for every student at the Private Christian University I attended). One of our requirements was that we complete a term paper on a topic (any theological topic our professor happened to approve of). There was one topic we had discussed that had caught my attention and I knew that I had to write my paper on it: theodicy. Theodicy is defined by the Christian Apologetics and Research Ministry as:

“Theodicy is the study of the problem of evil in the world. The issue is raised in light of the sovereignty of God. How could a holy and loving God who is in control of all things allow evil to exist? The answer has been debated for as long as the church has existed. We still do not have a definitive answer, and the Bible does not seek to justify God's actions.”

All those days ago, when I was a young college student, I was positive I would find the answer. I eagerly let my professor know my plans by email. Later that day I got an email. I opened it, anticipating nothing much other than “ok, thanks”. Instead, the message asked to talk before she agreed to the topic. I was puzzled. She had taught on the topic, so it could not be an issue of controversy. I scheduled an appointment and moved on.

When the day came, she asked me to shut the door behind me as I came in. This felt oddly out of character her. She was always light and funny, but today she was serious.

“Why do you want write on this topic?”

I explained that I found it interesting in as much detail as I could.

“Ok, but why”

I stopped. A little confused, a little frustrated, I admitted that I didn’t really know.

She asked about past painful experiences. Embarrassed, I told story after story as I sobbed in her leather office chair. Once I stopped, she paused. 

Don’t those pauses feel like an eternity?

“This is going to be a hard topic. You have to be prepared to finish your paper and have no answer.”

I nodded my head in agreement, but internally, I told myself she was wrong. I would be the one who figured it out. Ahhh, the narcissism of youth…

As was predicted, I finished that term with no answer. I finished with more questions I had started with. I finished with every answer I knew of decimated. I finished with silence. When I turned my paper in, I was convinced I had failed. I somehow had failed to find the elusive answer (you can disregard the fact that it has stumped theologians for the ages, but I was sure I would solve it in a semester). When she returned it, I was shocked to see I had not failed it. A grade and “good work”, but nothing else. You can imagine how much failure I felt then!

In life, there is deafening silence all around us. 

Mothers with babies never born or with sick children, crying out to God in prayer, that end up burying their children. 

Children raising each other due to a parent unable to care for them; begging that their parent be healed each night and waking up to the same situation every morning. 

People living in addiction crying out for the cravings to end. 

Spouses being abused, crying out, begging God to change the heart of their abuser. 

Victims of sexual abuse praying for it to end.

Citizens of war-torn countries lifting their voices to the Lord without ceasing, hoping for an end to the violence and bloodshed that rocks their countries.

Friends, families, and loved ones; on their knees, pleading for God to spare their loved one from death, angrily pointing out that the evil live and their loved one is nothing but good.

It feels like everywhere you look, the screaming silence is the norm, and anything but it is a rarity.

When the silence roars, it can feel like there is no way we can ever hear anything or anyone else. It can feel like the silence will never end.

There are always answers offered. Opinions (masked as Biblical knowledge or theology) offered up to cover the silence. Dear one, can we talk about these answers? I think it is so important, because some of them are so (unintentionally) hurtful that they send people running from God.

~God will never give you more than you can handle.

Let's break this one down. First, this assumes that God intentionally brings suffering upon us. An all loving God would need to have a reason to put so much pain upon you. Most argue it is to teach you something, bring you somewhere, or introduce you to someone. 

Dear one, this suggests that God cannot share knowledge or ensure you are where you need to be without creating pain and suffering. It also suggests He knows your breaking point and takes you to the edge, but not over it. This means God is either not all loving or not all powerful; and quite honestly, makes God incredibly cruel.

~God has a plan.

This answer closely resembles the previous answer. This suggests that while God may or may not have been directly involved in the circumstances you are experiencing, He did have foreknowledge, and chose not to intervene. This is due to His “plan”. This is no less cruel than the previous suggestion.

~Suffering is the result of free will.

This is normally the argument that seems the most logical and palatable to the majority of folks.

Dear one, can I rock your world?

This is not much different than what we have discussed so far. If we are to believe that God is all-knowing, all-good, and all-powerful (omniscient, omnibenevolent, and omnipotent), then God would have had the capacity to know that free will would create pain, would have been moved to prevent it (because of His goodness), and would have found a way to create a way in which free will exists and suffering does not.

The reality?

Sometimes, there are not answers. Sometimes, all we are left with is silence. 

Sometimes, when the silence is deafening, the only logical choice seems to be doubt, not faith.

Growing up, my Mom did counted cross stitch. I remember as a young kid, looking at the back the underside of her project. I could see the tangles, the long threads needing trimmed, the weird knotted spots. What I couldn’t see was the other side of her project. But I knew...the other side was always gorgeous. She was gifted, and it was always some beautiful piece of art. I just had to patiently wait until she was done to see the work from the other side.

Dear one, we are looking at life on the ugly, knotted, tangled side. All we can see is the underside of the artwork. But a day is coming. Isaiah 65:17 (ESV) tells us:


“For behold, I create new heavens. and a new earth, and the former things shall not be remembered. or come into mind.”

Dear one, today, the pain and suffering is real. The answers offered, the promises of a better tomorrow seem hollow. When the silence fills your life, reach out to Him. Scream. At the top of your lungs, scream every single thing on your mind...scream and yell until you can’t speak anymore. And then, listen. 

Back in my days in that office, one day I forgot my headphones. I had to listen to the silence. As I took a deep breath I could hear the clock. I could hear people walking. I could hear people typing. And when I was really still, I could hear my heartbeat.

Dear one, yell until you can’t and then become still. Listen. That is where you will find Him. He has always been there. We just have to remove the headphones and choose faith.

In Love, JSB

PS: Don't forget your journal page here!

https://carm.org/dictionary-theodicy

Loving Without Limits: Feeding The Hungry In Love

Food...there is just something about sharing food that shows our love for friends, family, and even strangers. Food is a big deal in my family. While holiday meals have always been special, they took on special importance decades ago when family members started having limitations around the food they could eat. I am allergic to several foods, other family members have food intolerances. As new generations (and adopted family members) have been added, more food intolerances and allergies have joined the list. The list of modifications that were needed started to grow crazy long. Yet somehow, my Mom always remembered them. Always. Oh, and she ensured every single food was safe for everyone. This started long before food limitations became an issue. When it came to eating together, She was a firm believer that no one should ever go hungry or be left out.

Her dedication to meeting the physical and social needs of others wasn’t limited to allergies and dietary intolerances that required modifications. It was just as important to make sure that on holidays that centered around food, no one ate alone. I will never forget our first holiday after moving to Hawaii. The thought of a holiday meal without family seemed less than ideal. Another family from our church was invited. That invitation multiplied until we had a full house. That day, strangers became family around the dinner table, stomachs were filled, and hearts were loved.

In Matthew 14:13-21 we find another story of food meeting more than just a physical need:

13 Now when Jesus heard this, he withdrew from there in a boat to a desolate place by himself. But when the crowds heard it, they followed him on foot from the towns. 14 When he went ashore he saw a great crowd, and he had compassion on them and healed their sick. 15 Now when it was evening, the disciples came to him and said, “This is a desolate place, and the day is now over; send the crowds away to go into the villages and buy food for themselves.” 16 But Jesus said, “They need not go away; you give them something to eat.” 17 They said to him, “We have only five loaves here and two fish.” 18 And he said, “Bring them here to me.” 19 Then he ordered the crowds to sit down on the grass, and taking the five loaves and the two fish, he looked up to heaven and said a blessing. Then he broke the loaves and gave them to the disciples, and the disciples gave them to the crowds. 20 And they all ate and were satisfied. And they took up twelve baskets full of the broken pieces left over. 21 And those who ate were about five thousand men, besides women and children. (ESV)
Now, this was not the only miracle that Jesus performed related to food, however, this is a very special one. Have you ever come home from work, exhausted, and filled with dread at the thought of having to do anything else? Yeah, that is about where Jesus was. The crowds were following him. He was on his way to just get respite, when he saw a great crowd. Never one to ignore an unmet need, He healed the sick in the crowd.

“They need not go away; you give them something to eat.”

Enter the Disciples. Now, to their credit, they were clearly trying to be the voice of reason. They were trying to protect the One they had laid everything down to follow. While the passage mentions 5,000, there are estimates that it could have been three to four times that, as the women and children were not counted. The Disciples remind Jesus that they have five loaves of bread and two fish. There is literally no way the math is going to work out on this one. It just isn’t possible. But Jesus knows better.

And he said, “Bring them here to me.” 19 Then he ordered the crowds to sit down on the grass, and taking the five loaves and the two fish, he looked up to heaven and said a blessing. Then he broke the loaves and gave them to the disciples, and the disciples gave them to the crowds.

All I can picture when I read this is some sweet Grandmother adding water to the soup and seats at the table. But this isn’t just feeding a few more hungry mouths. There are estimates that the crowd could have been as large as 20,000. There is just no way water in the soup will make that work. What we see here is that Jesus’ love is not the only thing that is limitless; His capacity to work wonders to remind of us how limitless and all-encompassing His love for us is.

You see, Jesus doesn’t limit His love for us to our spiritual lives. He doesn’t keep it in a neat and tidy box. His love is profound, limitless, and impossible to contain. He wants to wash over you with His love. He wants it to consume you.

Dear one, will you join me as the sea of the love of Jesus washes over us?

In Love, JSB

PS: Grab your journal page here!

Loving Without Limits: The Woman At The Well

Welcome back, dear one! We left off discussing how Jesus showed compassion to the woman caught in adultery. Today, won’t you join me as we explore Jesus’ love lived out in a radical way?

Social norms. The term sounds so polite, right? A general, agreed upon, expected set of ways to behave in and between cultures? Oh, how that innocent definition plays so very differently in the real world.

I don’t know about you, but the junior high years were some of the most awkward, embarrassing, difficult to navigate years of my educational experience (I am so glad that there were no digital cameras or cell phones back then, preventing my awkwardness to live on forever). There were several reasons that this time of my life was so tough. First and foremost, the junior high years are just tough. Multiple studies have documented how hard this age group is. Adding to the normal challenges of the junior high years was the fact that my family had moved from Hawaii to Oregon two months before the school year started. I sounded different, the culture was different, the climate was ridiculously different, and I didn’t know a soul. The bottom line was that I always felt like I belonged to a group of social pariahs, and the “cool kids” never interacted with the social pariahs. 

Junior High students definitely don’t have the corner on the market of the “us” and “them” battle. One of the greatest examples of this struggle is actually in the Bible. In one corner were the Jews and in the other, the Samaritans. Interaction between the two just didn’t happen. Ah...social norms.

And then, there was this rebel who didn’t really care about social norms. He spent his time with tax collectors, thieves, widows, lepers, those living with infirmity, women...you name the outcast, there is probably a story of Him spending time with them. Who was this strange man who blasted through social norms like the kool-aid man? Jesus, of course. Simply put, social norms weren’t His thing.

One of the best examples of Jesus destroying social norms is found in John 4:4-26.

4 Now he had to go through Samaria. 5 So he came to a town in Samaria called Sychar, near the plot of ground Jacob had given to his son Joseph. 6 Jacob’s well was there, and Jesus, tired as he was from the journey, sat down by the well. It was about noon.

7 When a Samaritan woman came to draw water, Jesus said to her, “Will you give me a drink?” 8 (His disciples had gone into the town to buy food.)

9 The Samaritan woman said to him, “You are a Jew and I am a Samaritan woman. How can you ask me for a drink?” (For Jews do not associate with Samaritans.)

10 Jesus answered her, “If you knew the gift of God and who it is that asks you for a drink, you would have asked him and he would have given you living water.”

11 “Sir,” the woman said, “you have nothing to draw with and the well is deep. Where can you get this living water? 12 Are you greater than our father Jacob, who gave us the well and drank from it himself, as did also his sons and his livestock?”

13 Jesus answered, “Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, 14 but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life.”

15 The woman said to him, “Sir, give me this water so that I won’t get thirsty and have to keep coming here to draw water.”

16 He told her, “Go, call your husband and come back.”

17 “I have no husband,” she replied.

Jesus said to her, “You are right when you say you have no husband. 18 The fact is, you have had five husbands, and the man you now have is not your husband. What you have just said is quite true.”

19 “Sir,” the woman said, “I can see that you are a prophet. 20 Our ancestors worshiped on this mountain, but you Jews claim that the place where we must worship is in Jerusalem.”

21 “Woman,” Jesus replied, “believe me, a time is coming when you will worship the Father neither on this mountain nor in Jerusalem. 22 You Samaritans worship what you do not know; we worship what we do know, for salvation is from the Jews. 23 Yet a time is coming and has now come when the true worshipers will worship the Father in the Spirit and in truth, for they are the kind of worshipers the Father seeks. 24 God is spirit, and his worshipers must worship in the Spirit and in truth.”

25 The woman said, “I know that Messiah” (called Christ) “is coming. When he comes, he will explain everything to us.”

26 Then Jesus declared, “I, the one speaking to you—I am he.” (ESV)

Wow. I mean, really, wow. Talk about shredding social norms. There are a lot of reasons why the woman at the well was considered an outcast. First, she was a woman. That in and of itself was huge. She was Samaritan, and hostility between the Jews and Samaritans was well known. Getting water from the well was generally regarded as a social activity and provided the opportunity for interaction with others; however she was on her own. And, as if that wasn’t enough, she was not married, rather living with a man, the sixth in a line of men she had lived without outside of marriage. You couldn’t live much more in the margins than this woman.

But Jesus didn’t care about the rules and norms. Jesus was clear in Mark 2:17 that a physician doesn’t attend to the well, rather the sick. This woman was ailing. In every way, her life was painful and broken. So at the well, she met the Great Physician.

“Will you give me a drink?”

Baffled, the woman reminds Jesus of all of the reasons why this was a bad idea. I can almost feel her thoughts “I am an outcast. No one in my own town will even talk to me. Do you know the risk you are taking just being seen with me?”

Jesus responds to her self-criticism with a promise of living water. Confused, she starts in with the reasons why this is impossible. So He tries again. Continued confusion. Then, she gets it...well, kinda. She knows that only the Messiah can provide this kind of water. And Jesus drops a truth bomb…”I am He”.

Y’all, do you know how huge this is? The first time Jesus reveals that he is the Messiah is to a woman so on the fringes that she was an outcast even amongst her own people. You read that right; the Messiah revealed His true identity for the first time to a Samaritan woman, ostracized from her community, on her sixth affair. It is the sick who need a physician, not the well.

I am not sure about you, but I know that I normally have a list of failures or mistakes a mile long running through my head. Carefully organized exhibits, prepared as evidence of why I will never be enough for God’s love. But, dear one, God’s love is unconditional and limitless. Whether we accept it or not, whether we believe it or not; His love is always there. 

Will you join me in laying down the list “never lovable” reasons and allow His love to wash over you?

In Love, JSB

PS: Don’t forget to grab your journal page here!

Loving Without Limits: The Woman Caught in Adultery

Welcome back, dear one! We left off in the last post talking about the overwhelming love that Jesus has for each and everyone of us. If you are anything like me, you have an asterisk after the statement Jesus is love; and that asterisk is “except for me, Jesus could never love someone like me”. The list of reasons why we add that asterisk is literally limitless, but they are always filled with pain. The reality is, however, that the Bible is filled with amazing, beautiful stories of Jesus loving those who lived in the margins. 

Would you allow me to set the stage for you?

The dawn is breaking. You are going about your life. Right, wrong, or indifferent, you are confident that in the safety of your own home, you can let your guard down. Then a group of men burst through the door and capture you. The person you were with, that you loved (and that you thought loved you) disappears before you can even notice. You feel sick. This isn’t going to be a slap on the hand. You know the punishment for being caught in adultery is being stoned to death.

How did they know?

Everyone I know will know I died because I was an adulteress.

I can’t believe this is happening to me.

You aren’t given time to dress properly. You are rushed to the temple. The crowd is growing. Your fear has set your body on full alert, and hot tears burn your eyes. Then you are thrown into the middle of the crowd. It doesn’t really make sense, it does not seem like you are the intended target. Either way, you know your death is rapidly approaching. 

There are a lot of great Bible studies, books, and research out there that focuses on how the Pharisees went about this. There are conversations about how this woman was used to trap Jesus, about the fact that two witnesses would have had to viewed it (meaning there were Pharisees leering in bedroom windows), and that her male counterpart bailed, leaving her to take the full burden of the accusation.

Those are all worthwhile topics to discuss, but dear one, today I would like to focus on the woman caught committing a capitol offense, that walked away not only physically, but spiritually saved. We can see the full story in John 8:2-11:

2 Early in the morning he came again to the temple. All the people came to him, and he sat down and taught them. 3 The scribes and the Pharisees brought a woman who had been caught in adultery, and placing her in the midst 4 they said to him, “Teacher, this woman has been caught in the act of adultery. 5 Now in the Law, Moses commanded us to stone such women. So what do you say?” 6 This they said to test him, that they might have some charge to bring against him. Jesus bent down and wrote with his finger on the ground. 7 And as they continued to ask him, he stood up and said to them, “Let him who is without sin among you be the first to throw a stone at her.” 8 And once more he bent down and wrote on the ground. 9 But when they heard it, they went away one by one, beginning with the older ones, and Jesus was left alone with the woman standing before him. 10 Jesus stood up and said to her, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?” 11 She said, “No one, Lord.” And Jesus said, “Neither do I condemn you; go, and from now on sin no more.”(ESV)

This story has always been an overwhelmingly beautiful story to me. Be it adultery, drugs and alcohol, anger issues, a history of abuse, or something else, there is always something we are afraid will be discovered. We live waiting for our secret to be outed, and create the millions of worst case scenarios once the truth is revealed. Who needs someone to out us and “punish” us for our self-perceived crime; we are already serving as prosecutor, judge, jury, and executioner.

But this story, the story in John 8, it tells a much different story. A woman caught in a crime that called for her death is tossed into the ring for judgment.

“Teacher, this woman has been caught in the act of adultery. 5 Now in the Law, Moses commanded us to stone such women. So what do you say?”

Fear. Terror. More tears. This is really, really happening. All eyes turn to Jesus, ready for his answer. This was a test from the Pharisees, so it truly didn’t matter what Jesus said, it would prove He was wrong. However, as always, Jesus surprises the crowd. How? He bends down and starts writing in the sand.

Wait, what? Now everyone is confused. What is this man doing? The continue to push him for an answer, and he stands and speaks.

“Let him who is without sin among you be the first to throw a stone at her.”

A single sentence. Then Jesus returns to writing in the sand. One by one, folks start to leave. First the older men that have assembled. Then the younger ones. After all, they all know they aren’t perfect. They have sinned. They were likely all just standing outside of a window watching the most intimate of moments between two people. As the moments pass, Jesus asks where everyone is. This is obviously a rhetorical question. Jesus is just as capable of noticing who is in a room as this terrified woman. But there is a point; Jesus has a plan…

10 Jesus stood up and said to her, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?” 11 She said, “No one, Lord.” And Jesus said, “Neither do I condemn you; go, and from now on sin no more.”

That was it. From standing at death’s door to totally free in the course of seconds.

There are some amazing parts of this last portion that might not be immediately obvious. First, by asking the woman where the crowd has gone, He presents her with the gift of self-forgiveness. So many times, when faced with our “dark, ugly secret” (even if it is not our fault at all), we wander through life with our defenses up, ready to defend ourselves at any given moment; while simultaneously punishing ourselves over and over again.

The second, and even more important part of this portion of the passage is Jesus’ response to her. Once she tells him that the crowd who was just anxiously awaiting her death has all disappeared, Jesus tells her that He doesn’t condemn her. There are no lectures. He could have pointed out how wrong what she had done was. He could have done a million things. Instead, He told her that she was free.

Dear one, this is so beautiful. At this woman’s most vulnerable, humiliating, terrifying moment, Jesus responded by meeting her where she was. There was no requirement for her to complete to receive his mercy. Jesus saw one of His children hurting, and His limitless and unconditional love drove him to heal her heart right there, at that moment, on the ground that seconds before was to be where she died. He taught her that we have all sinned, and that God loved her. It was as simple as that.

It can be so easy for us to convince ourselves that we will never be good enough to come to God. Dear one, God doesn’t want us to change before we come to Him. He wants us to come, just as we are, and be transformed by His love. Will you let him?

In Love, JSB

Don't forget to grab a journal page here!

Loving Without Limits: Because He First Loved Us

Love. While cultures vary in many ways, love can be found across the planet. When asked, however, many have a hard time defining what it actually means. Merriam-Webster lists 9 different definitions of love; some of which are nouns, others of which are verbs. For being so common, it is awfully complex!

Over my life, I have experienced many different types of love. I have had the privilege of working with (loving with action) vulnerable individuals (be it poverty, domestic violence, disaster, mental illness, developmental disabilities, or other issues) all of my life. I have fallen in love, and married. I experienced the overwhelming love that comes with carrying and giving birth to all four of my amazing kiddos (some days that is a noun, other it is definitely a verb).

Nothing reminds my Mommy heart how much my children love me like a picture that they have colored for me, filled with excitement. As a working mom (who has way too many late evenings at work), I regularly come home to "mail" (as they call it) on my pillow. I open it every time and remember how blessed I am. The pictures are always chaotic, and they almost never stay in the lines. And you know what, that is what I love most about them...there was so much love in their tiny hearts that the lines could not contain it.

With that said (even my precious baby girls), none of these, types of love however, can compare to the love that Jesus showed during his short time here on Earth.

Maybe you haven’t heard the amazing, transformative love of Jesus. Perhaps you have only heard the twisted message of fear and eternal damnation. You might even feel unworthy of His love. None of those things are true. In fact, Scripture tells us clearly about the love God has for us in 1 John 4:16-19:

16 So we have come to know and to believe the love that God has for us. God is love, and whoever abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him. 17 By this is love perfected with us, so that we may have confidence for the day of judgment, because as he is so also are we in this world. 18 There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love. 19 We love because he first loved us. (ESV)

Won’t you join us as we explore some of the most captivating love stories (filled with a cast of characters that all likely felt unworthy) of all time?

In Love, JSB

PS: The Audacious Hope team has added a new and exciting feature! Journal pages to go with each devotional! Click here for your copy of today's!

Forgiveness And Fun House Mirrors

Growing up, one of my favorite memories was going to the fair.  It is pretty hard for a kid not to love the fair...rides, music, chaos, and all of the food (normally sugary) your parents would let you shove down your throat.  Each summer was filled with the excitement of seeing whether you were tall enough to ride "THE RIDE" (whatever was the newest, biggest, scariest ride at the fair), and betting who would get sick first.

Amongst all of the fun, there was always one part of the fair that felt like torture...the fun house.  There were parts that were ok, but the fun house mirrors terrified me.  Like, cold sweat, nauseated, close my eyes as I rushed by scared. If you had asked me all of those years ago why I hated them, I probably would have told you that seeing such a disorienting image of myself made me uncomfortable (well, okay, I probably wouldn't have used those words at age eight). 

The reality, however, was that the fun house mirror was a physical manifestation of what was already happening in my mind.  When I looked in the mirror, I could see that the person I was sure I was...weird, awkward, and just generally not right in any way. I was afraid that looking in those fun house mirrors would force me to fall apart, and let the whole world know that I was faking it all...the image they knew was not the real me.

So many of us are wandering around in self-imposed isolation.  People may be around us, but we hide...often in plain sight. We convince ourselves that there is something so awful about ourselves that we could never be loved.  Never deemed worthy.  That we have done something that is simply unforgivable. 

We go to church, week after week, pray endlessly, cry out to God begging for forgiveness.  God tells us over and over again that it is done.  The price has been paid.  The slate wiped clean. But we cannot let it go.  Instead of nailing our sins to the cross and walking away, we nail them there, turn to walk away, and come back and tell God "No, this one is too big for you".

Dear one, there is no sin too big, ugly, or awful to nail to (and leave on) the cross.  Jesus is always standing next to us, hand stretched out, ready to walk with us; but we can't take His hand if our hands are filled with the sins we refuse to allow ourselves to let go.

The reality is that God created us in His image.  He has already found us to be His beautiful children.  We see in Psalm 139:14 how very beautiful we are in His eyes!

¹⁴ I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.Wonderful are your works;
    my soul knows it very well.

It can be easy to convince ourselves that this all applies to the rest of the world, but we are different.  It just simply isn't true, and denying that God can handle and desperately wants to take our burden deepens the wound.  We become increasingly isolated.  The self-deprecation intensifies.  And we start to shut ourselves off from God's love entirely.

I know that for me, I isolated myself so far from God, became so filled with pain, that I had no clue where to begin.  Some amazing, strong and wise Christian friends pushed back.  The challenged my belief that I was unforgivable.  They helped me remember to nail my sins to the cross and walk away, hand in hand with my Heavenly Father.  They reminded me how loved by God I truly was.

Dear one, I pray you have those people in your also, but if you don't, know you have us here at Audacious Hope.  You are loved.  Whatever wrong you are holding onto, someone has done it before.  Whatever brokenness overwhelms you, Christ has already conquered.  All that is needed is for you to lay down your pain and take His hand.

In Love, JSB

Make A Joyful Noise: Amazing Grace

Sometimes in life, the greatest things are discovered by happy accident (such as medications like penicillin, valium, and many of the first anti-depressants; devices such as the pace maker amongst others).  Then there are other discoveries only arrived at after staggeringly painful circumstances.  The suffering itself was not required for the discovery; rather, when we hit rock bottom, we stopped trying to go it on our own, asked for help, and had the chance to see things from another perspective.  As J.K. Rowling said, "Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life".

History is filled with stories of ordinary people, broken, living lives of pain or chaos; that, once at rock bottom, allow the cracks in their soul to let the light in. Saint Francis of Assisi spent most of his youth drinking and getting into trouble.  William Booth, founder of The Salvation Army, was born into poverty.  Booth's father died when Booth was 14, forcing him to find work to support his family.  He found work as a pawnbroker's apprentice when he was invited to church.  There, God inspired him to dedicate the rest of his life to service of God's children.

Then there is John Newton, who authored, one of the most well-known hymns,  "Amazing Grace".   While the hymn is loved and familiar, the inspiration for it came from ugliness and pain.  Newton's spent his childhood years with his father on a merchant ship.  His father retired, at which point Newton became a sailor in the Royal Navy.  The situation was challenging to say the least.  Eventually he was traded to be part of the Slave Trade business.  On a trip home, his ship was in danger, and he called out to God.  When they arrived safely, Newton knew it was God's work and committed his life to God on that day.

It would be great if the story ended there, right?

Unfortunately, life isn't Hollywood, and transformation doesn't happen overnight.  Newton would continue to have ties to the slave trade until the last years of his life, when he became an Anglican priest and wrote hundreds of hymns, including the one we all know so well...Amazing Grace.

Dear one, we live in a broken world.  There is pain and suffering.  Heartache everywhere you turn.  It just is not something that can be avoided.  As someone who has worked with individuals of all ages and abilities, I firmly believe in the goodness of each human-being.  That said, each of us has sinned...all of us have intentionally acted in a manner contrary to the known will of God.


What we often forget is that no matter how big, bad, awful, horrible, atrocious the "thing" we feel is, God already knows.  God knows and loves you.  Not in spite of what you have done, not apart from what you have done, not once you do enough good to cancel out the bad.  He just loves you.  Period. 

And those awful sins? We live in a society that wants to convince you of your flaws.  There is always some "thing" that needs to be fixed, as long as you pay a small price.  The great news though, is that Jesus already died for them.  We can see in Romans 5:8 that the price was already paid:

⁸ but God shows his love for us in that while

we were still sinners, Christ died for us. (ESV)

Furthermore, we are encouraged by our Heavenly Father to accept His Grace in our time of need:

¹⁶ Let us then with confidence draw near

to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and

find grace to help in time of need. Hebrews 4:16 (ESV)

So dear one, never forget how deeply God loves you.  His Grace is abundant and freely given to all of us.  We needn't fear. 

Will you join us in prayer?

Heavenly Father, we are so thankful for the limitless grace that you have covered us with.  We thank you for the promise of love, acceptance, and an eternity with you,  Lord, in the moments where we feel scared, alone, or not good enough to carry out Your plan for us, remind us that You have brought us this far, and will walk with us, hand in hand, on our journey through this world.

Amen                                                                            

In Love, JSB

Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound,
That saved a wretch like me....
I once was lost but now am found,
Was blind, but now, I see.

T'was Grace that taught...
my heart to fear.
And Grace, my fears relieved.
How precious did that Grace appear...
the hour I first believed.

Through many dangers, toils and snares...
we have already come.
T'was Grace that brought us safe thus far...
and Grace will lead us home.

The Lord has promised good to me...
His word my hope secures.
He will my shield and portion be...
as long as life endures.

When we've been here ten thousand years...
bright shining as the sun.
We've no less days to sing God's praise...
then when we've first begun.

Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound,
That saved a wretch like me....
I once was lost but now am found,
Was blind, but now, I see.

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2017/jul/11/from-viagra-to-valium-the-drugs-that-were-discovered-by-accident

https://www.biography.com/people/st-francis-of-assisi-21152679

https://www.christianitytoday.com/history/people/activists/william-booth.html

https://www.christianitytoday.com/history/people/activists/william-booth.html